Monday, February 18, 2013

My obsession with God !

(NOTE: The following is automated writing flowing from my immediate thoughts - Please forgive spelling and gramatical mistakes of any kind and do go through if you find that the content makes sense. thank you)

It has been 24 years, 4 months, 21 days since I was born. And I do not exactly remember when I started pondering this but the truth is that I am still pondering. The ultimate question that each one of us still has deep within our insane minds. Who/what/where are we?

Now, most of the readers may ridicule this question by laughing out loud or just closing this page but just think about it for a second. Do you have any clue about where we, human beings came from or why we are here? Its an unending subject of discussion. It could go on very well for the next 24 years, 4 months, 21 days or even more. The question seemed to occur to me for the first time as I sat in a class in my standard twelve chemistry during an ongoing organic chemistry session. I wondered the purpose of all this, or even better how do we even know, if all that is being taught is true? Why do we trust those gentlemen and ladies who wrote our textbooks? It was a pure rebel thought and since then I started communicating this thought with friends and relatives who were comfortable listening to these thoughts. Some of them, even replied with their own thoughts that took me deeper into this idea of creation and the question whether "God" exists!?

Some of the above mentioned conversations about God lasted many hours with these friends. Some others who i spoke to, had no intention of having this conversation because they were too caught up in the reality they had created for themselves. If you read the last five words of the previous sentence, you can notice that it is a true feeling as we all live in realities created by our own semi-conscious state. This state where we go about doing our daily affairs as if these affairs are our only purpose in life. But, with the statement "To each, his own.", I would suggest that everyone has their own perspective and their own lives to live.

When I was 19 years old, I started to experiment in different ways as I thought of Experiments and Experience (two words that still hold much importance in my life today). I went through visual references, sexual experiences, travel and even imagination. Some of my worst experiences involving fear changed my outlook into life. And some of the best experiences involving love also did the same to me.

But I am far away from the point. When i turned 24, these questions that intrigued me started appearing in front of me in the form of answers. Everything from Psychedelics to Surrealist Art helped me. I started keenly seeing signs of everyday life. I even saw documentaries on these subjects(the paranormal, supernatural, metaphysical, etc) but what really brought me to research and passionately follow the subject of layman metaphysics was my Cousin Asha Warrier's Book "From Mediocrity to Madness". This book was a piece on past life regression therapy. Much to my amazement it was concluded that one could access the memories of his/her past lives with the help of hypnosis. This was very interesting to me, some of the answers were given to me in this book. I recommend the readers to pick up a copy of the book. This book led me to "Many Lives, Many Masters" which is a detailed record of all the hypnosis sessions of Katherine by Dr. Brian Weiss. This one opened even more doors and basically my mind unto various metaphysical possibilities. Quite simply put Metaphysics is a traditional branch of philosophy concerned with explaining the fundamental nature of being and the world (WikiPEDIA).

These books further led me to the "Conversations with God" books by Neale Donald Walsch. I am still reading those books but I like to quote something from what I have read, which you may find interesting :

"If I do not go within, I go without."

"All human actions are motivated at the deepest level by one of two emotions - fear or love."

Other references include films like Enter the void, Waking Life, Slacker, Monty Python's Meaning of Life, etc. Also books like The Tibetan book of the dead, Re-incarnation, Astral Physics, etc (I am in the process of reading and referencing these but you will certainly find some direction in these works. I would post a list with details soon)

Hence I feel that whatever atheists say or deny, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. So what happens to the energy that powers us once we hit the deadline of our body's existence?

I'd like to stop typing with a quote from Monty Python's Meaning of life :

Person 2: One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.

Person 1 : What was that about hats again?


  1. Hi Ashwyn
    I can understand the anxiety and desperation behind this kind of writing. I can definitely connect somewhere. I have a suggestion if you are really interested in going into the realm of understanding the 'who we are?' ambiguity. Get a copy of the book 'I am That' based on the conversations with an unassuming mystic Nisargadatta Maharaj. I can bet. It would change you and make you lighter. I can even send the e-version if at any time you seem compelled. It was delight reading this post of yours. Keep posting. Bye.

    1. Thank you for that valuable reference ! I shall try to get my hands on the book but please do send me the E-Version, would be happy to skim through it. My email id is
      I hope the book leads me to another and enables me to continue this enjoyable and wonderous journey that makes 'us' what we are ! Thank you again !

  2. Hey brother! this particular journey of yours is well traveled with "Searching for the unknown thoughts." This journey is being explored only by certain personalities and i'm in it too with an year less than yours. It was a wonderful read you have given so that makes you more responsible to write more of this kind ;) so keep going bro!! I'd like to end up with a personal thought. "The origin of existence must not be explored but experience it by living a time period called 'Life." There is always an end tik for time...